Unexpected Hope

Posted: August 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

Our fifth child, Jonas, was born in 1984 with cerebral palsy. It wasn’t obvious at first and we didn’t know for sure until he was diagnosed at almost a year old at Oregon Health and Science University. My wife and I had each become Christians when we were 18 years old and had met shortly after that through Bible studies.

In our Christian world having a child with disabilities wasn’t supposed to happen. We were both raised in a time and place where institutions kept the disabled out of sight. Never the less we were determined to trust the Lord and find the good in all things. However things became worse as our son grew. He could not walk and needed a wheel chair. He had continual ear infections and needed an operation to drain his ears. Because he couldn’t talk communication was his greatest need until he started hitting himself and banging his head against anything he could find. Someone had to sleep with him and hold his arms to keep him from hurting himself at night. He had numerous eye operations for cataracts and retina detachment. He lost sight in one eye and needed an artificial lens in the other. Eventually he became blind which has made communication even more difficult. Someone has needed to be at his side basically 24 hours a day for the last 20 plus years.

I could see good come into our lives through Jonas but in my heart it didn’t justify what he was going through. Even though we prayed and the Lord helped us a lot I couldn’t really be thankful. I continued my Christian life but was loosing my faith and trust in the Lord but most of all I wasn’t sure God loved me any more. I had become offended with other Christians that had distanced themselves from us. I was loosing victories in my life that the Lord had given me when I became a Christian. I was becoming easily angered and more and more selfish. I really couldn’t see it at the time but I was hurting my wife and family in a big way.

Several years ago the ministry of the church we are attending started to have an effect on me. I asked for help and prayer and started praying more myself. The Lord was getting through to me that he totally loves my family and I. I was able to get rid of all my anger and bitterness but I still wasn’t free. One night I was reading the story of Moses. I had read it many times but there was a verse I could not remember reading before. When Moses told the Lord to send someone else because he was not a good speaker God said “who made the dumb the deaf and the blind did not I the Lord”. I thought to myself “can I say that God made my son the way he is? Am I accusing God?”. I prayed and said “Lord thank you for creating Jonas and making him just the way he is. I don’t understand why but I realize you are in total control. From now on I trust you for Jonas “. I have felt the power and love of God in a way I had never experienced before.

I now know Jesus will take care of Jonas and I have dedicated my own life to serve Jesus Christ. I also realize God will glorify himself in my son. I have been able to tell Jonas all of these things including how much his life has meant to me. He understands.

Written by Kim White – Faithful attender of GCC

  1. Blain Harris says:

    Awesome! Thanks Kim for sharing with all of us.

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